Before: Poem, October 1994

In My Defense

The art, you see
is everything.

I do not come here
to hide from my demons;
they are
at times
the only voice I have.

I am not here
to flaunt my mastery
over dark dominions;
I only dare them
one last time
to claim me.

You do not see
the unholy vision
the moment when all is clear
or if you do,
you treat clarity
as only a trifle.

I know only
that I need to know;
what I need to know
I don't know. I only know

it is there to be known.
I want to see. I need to see.
If, seeing, I collapse
and die, then
so be it

i and my visions
will be there
waiting
never judging
and having seen, at last
what lies behind that door.
--1994, G.C