I Am Seriously Not Dead. I Swear It.

To those amazingly cool and awesome people who still unaccountably read this blog, which has not been updated in NEARLY TWO FRAKKIN' YEARS and what the hell have I been doing, anyway???:

First: thanks for still being here. And if you're just now finding me, that's probably good luck for you, because:

Second: I am--swear to Whomever--getting back to working on this project. It may be a while, yet--I'm thinking "weeks", not "months"/"years"/"where the hell have you been, Gladys-es"--but I have promised myself to return to this project.

Third: "Oh, she must have been busy, very very busy, or she would have worked on it." Yeah...you'd think, right? Not so much, though. It has been an EVENTFUL time; it has not been BUSY.

In the space of the twenty-three months and change that I have utterly and abjectly failed to update this blog, the following events have occurred:

--left job A for job B (July 05)
--oldest cat died (Aug 05)
--hated job B, but gave it a game try
--had a six-week heroin relapse, brought on by the 10th anniversary of JP's death and a list of stressors too numerous to relate, and somehow managed to keep it a secret even from the guy I lived with (November-December 05)
--returned to the methadone program after three weeks of relapse, only to be hit with a three-week adjustment period during which I was really REALLY sick and miserable--over CHRISTMAS, no less
--finally admitted there was a serious problem in my head and sought counseling, which still continues (Jan 06)
--was adopted by a new kitten (May 06)
--live-in b/f departed for out-of-state "family" obligations (summer 06)
--fired from Job B due to condition which turned out to be sleep apnea (Oct 06)
--adopted new roomie, an old friend of mine who was dealing with some hard times (Nov 06)
--received notice that mortgage was in foreclosure (Dec 06)
--upon his return to Chicago, broke up w. boyfriend but remained friends (Dec 06)
--celebrated 1 yr clean (Jan 1 07)
--after submitting over 100 applications and going on about 15 interviews, finally finally FINALLY landed a job, job C (Apr 07)
--was summarily fired from job C for reasons I still can't fully explain (May 07)
--continued job search (to present day)

And so here we are, July 3 2007, and so far I have spent a relaxing yet financially-fraught summer with my semi-employed roomie, my unemployed former boyfriend, and their various friends and cats, while waiting to hear about a promising job lead and reluctantly accepting that I'm about to lose my home of four years, barring a miracle. The overwhelming likelihood is that I'm going to end up living in my mother's basement, which (at my advanced age of 37) is embarrassing but not catastrophic. And yes, I've had plenty of time to write, but all my writing has either been in this blog or in a journal I started on paper, to clear my head regarding my recent difficulties.

I think part of me is scared to write this story; it was my sadness over JP's death that triggered my relapse twenty months ago, and though I'm not afraid of a repeat of THAT situation, I'm afraid that writing about those days will upset my carefully-cultivated equilibrium. But you know, that's WHY I have to write it, as well--pardon the really bad pun, but I have to get back on the horse. (Hey, I SAID "pardon"...jeez. Tough crowd. :) )

So in short: I'll be back very soon. Thanks for being patient. (Now, if someone would please tell the spammers that I don't need Viagra or car insurance...)